The Realization Regeneration
by Darcyfitz1
Summary: Sheldon gets a wake-up call, in more ways than one. We all know this will not happen. But oh…how I wish it would. Takes place hours after the 'breakup'. I honestly feel a break would do them good. But the Shipper in me wants them back together pronto! Slightly OOC Shamy. But when the moment moves you, you go with the flow. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**~The Realization Regeneration~**

 **A Vignette in two parts**

 **-Summary: Sheldon gets a wake-up call, in more ways than one. We all know this will not happen. But oh…how I wish it would. Takes place hours after the 'breakup'. I honestly feel a break would do them good. But the Shipper in me wants them back together pronto! Slightly OOC Shamy. But when the moment moves you, you go with the flow. Enjoy.**

 **-Disclaimer: I own nothing of The Big Bang Theory. This is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement intended.**

 **-Rated M for a reason.**

 **Part 1**

If asked later how it happened, Sheldon honestly couldn't say. He could not trace back the exact tipping point of when and how the dam broke. But it broke, alright. And the once proud Homo Novus was washed away on a river of emotions that he had heretofore denied existed.

There were indicators that he was heading down that river without a paddle, tumultuous as it was.

One was lust, of course. And another, was longing. And finally, a strange sense of wanting something forbidden. Just knowing she no longer wanted to see him, at least for the foreseeable future, hurt him deeply. But it also opened a chasm that he had previously kept sealed. It forced him to take a step back and really ponder just what Amy's words meant. And how much her absence, even for an hour, was making his body react in strange ways.

His heart was pounding a rhythm out of his chest. His hands were sweating. His mind was racing. His lungs felt too small for his chest cavity. His blood felt like it was simmering. And his soul…his soul felt empty. As though the vessel which held all of his hopes and dreams were knocked over and their contents spilled out. He could do nothing but watch helplessly as the contents scurried along the floorboards, sinking into the wood.

No…he didn't know what exactly the driving force behind this was. But it didn't matter anymore, as Sheldon would soon discover.

He had been calm on the phone when Amy dropped her bombshell. Maybe it was shock, but he couldn't say for sure. He knew himself well enough to know that if he had been in his right mind, he would have thrown a tantrum and called Amy out on her speech. But no accusations came to mind as her sad face filled his monitor.

She didn't do this to force his hand, as she might have done in the past. Too much had happened this year between them, and the time for petty mind games had come and gone. She honestly felt that a break was necessary to decide whether or not to continue being his girlfriend. After disconnecting the call and asking Gollum for advice, he sat there in silence for at least an hour.

His mind went over the possible reasons for this sudden shift. They had been doing so well lately. He had even bought her that ring. After the misunderstanding about Mars, he really felt they had leapt over a huge roadblock in their relationship. She now knew he wanted her with him anywhere he went, and he now knew she wanted to have his children someday. If that didn't scream commitment, well then he was oblivious as to what did.

But that voice that he hated to listen to, kept whispering in his ear.

'Was it really necessary to ask her that asinine question about the Flash?'

Sheldon huffed, standing up and pacing the floor.

"You know why I did that," He said out loud, not caring if he sounded like a crazy person. Nobody answered him, though, and the deafening roar of silence filled his ears.

'Is it always going to be this way? You, running and retreating when things get too heavy? Doesn't she deserve more? Doesn't she deserve to at least know the truth?'

Sheldon forced out a self-deprecating laugh.

"Ha! The truth. Even I don't know what the truth is." He spit out, lying.

He sat down again, this time in his spot.

'You can lie to her, although not forever. But you can't lie to yourself.'

He never thought of it from her point of view. Armed with a relationship agreement and a much ballyhooed claim of being the perfect boyfriend, he had mistakenly thought they were at the same place. Obviously, they weren't.

'Being your girlfriend is so challenging…emotionally and physically.'

What did she mean by that remark? Emotionally and physically? That was odd; he never asked her to move a sofa. Or carry a mattress up four flights of stairs, as Penny once had him and Leonard do. How was being with him physically challenging?

He closed his eyes, focusing on that word.

Physically.

Suddenly, as though a lightbulb appeared over his head, the meaning of her words and that word in particular came to him. She was…horny. He aroused her, and left her hanging every single time they were together.

'I'm always hoping'….

Oh.

Oh, dear. So that's it. He was hurting Amy by not allowing her to let her passion follow its natural conclusion.

He had heard Howard and Raj once talking about a term called blue balls, as it pertained to a man. He wondered if the same could hold true for a woman. Had he done that to Amy the other night, when they were making out and he opened his mouth to spout nonsense about The Flash? Had she been hoping that night that they would go further?

Had he?

Maybe his psyche was right; he had been lying to her for so long. At least, by omission. Spiteful taunts, sarcastic looks…all she wanted was the pleasure of teasing her boyfriend. He had never given her an inch; always making her feel awful about her desires and her sexuality. Rather than admitting that he was finding it difficult to keep resisting temptation, he hid behind his bravado and his armor.

"What am I going to do?" He wondered aloud, looking around his empty home and finding no comfort.

He had wandered around his apartment for hours that night, moving restlessly from room to room. He couldn't concentrate enough to do anything he usually enjoyed. Watching a movie was out. So were video games. He couldn't focus enough to read, and trying to get any work done seemed unimaginable. The hours counted down to midnight, and he was no closer to understanding the way to make this right then he was hours before.

It seemed that every word Amy said to him on that last Skype call had found their way into the area of Sheldon's brain that he kept locked down; it was the place that he secretly hid his insecurities, his longings, and his desires. It was a place he'd long since accepted, albeit with much trepidation. Yet it was still a place that he knew was unfamiliar territory.

To admit such a vast wasteland existed shamed him. He was, after all, a Homo Novus. Or so he had thought, until a green eyed vixen from Glendale crossed his path and made him doubt everything he ever thought to be true about himself.

His friends thought he was clueless in the ways of sex. Even more so in the ways of love. But you don't have an IQ of 187 without gathering some information along the way. The situation was that he knew all about the pleasures of the flesh. He wasn't oblivious to the act itself, nor the lead up to it. He meant what he told Penny when he said the last five years with Amy Farrah Fowler had been foreplay.

What he was oblivious to, however, was ever thinking those emotions would never touch him. That he'd be safe in his little bubble, keeping Amy ensconced safely outside.

She had gotten past his defenses, the clever minx. And he couldn't even blame her or think badly of her. She was in love with him. That much was clear. Evidenced by her bleak tone when she told him she did indeed love him, but she needed some time to step back and decide what she wanted from this relationship.

He let on to her earlier that he would respect her wishes and adhere to the break Amy had demanded. She made no mention of how long this break would last, to Sheldon's chagrin. He found himself distracted and worried that the more time that would pass between them, the deeper the gulf would grow. Would Amy tell him at the end of the break that she was done with him and his exhausting ways?

No. Amy loved him. And love was…it had to be the most…it was all that…

Good Lord. He couldn't even articulate his thoughts in his own mind!

The night dragged on, his feelings of unease growing stronger with each passing moment.

He fell into bed, exhausted. He tossed and turned for hours, falling into a fitful sleep unable to get any peace.

Then the most peculiar thing happened.

After hours of restlessness, Sheldon had been roused by an erotic dream. With Amy as the star.

It began simply enough; the two of them at the zoo, enjoying the koala's and the monkey's and smiling at each other with those secret grins. All of a sudden, they were inside Amy's car in the carpark, going at it like savages. Bare skin was uncovered, teeth and sweat and saliva and god…wetness. Wetness everywhere. Hers, and his, intermingling and it was the most erotic thing he had ever felt.

They were in the backseat, Sheldon's tall frame in the middle with his legs across the front console. Dream Amy was straddling his lap, moving upon him in such a way that had dream Sheldon moaning and grabbing her backside to grind her deeper into him. Her supple body melted into him as he moved with her…back and forth, creating a crescendo of friction that threatened to eat him alive.

'You're mine…' dream Sheldon moaned, bearing his teeth and sinking them into dream Amy's shoulder.

Sheldon jolted awake, gasping with sweat plastering his hair to his forehead and his pajama pants uncomfortably tight. He sat up, looking around the room and tried to focus. He was afraid to look down and see the evidence of his dream looking back at him. But he couldn't help it. Nor deny his reaction to it, as the sight of his own erection stirred something inside of him primal and wild.

Amy had caused this. And she wasn't even here.

He was no stranger to arousal. In the last year especially, he had more than one incident where he'd become excited by Amy. But never like this. He was so…hard. As the hardness increased, so did the size. He was stunned just how much excitement was on display.

The dream had seemed so real. He could still feel the weight of her on his lap, the phantom imprint of her skin across his. He could swear he smelled traces of her scent in the air, infiltrating his nostrils. The olfactory memory only worsened his dilemma. He sat there helpless as he grew harder by the second.

Had he ever allowed himself to have a full on erection over his feelings for Amy? He knew without even pondering that question that the answer was no. He would always take a cold shower to diffuse the tension. Or practice meditation to calm himself down. A thought lodged inside his brain in that moment; a dark, menacing thought that left him shaking.

He didn't want to calm himself down this time. He wanted to experience the feelings of arousal coursing through his body. It felt…good. Better than good. It felt wicked, and naughty, and decadent. Things that Sheldon Cooper would never let himself experience before.

A part of him felt dirty. This was so wrong, or so he tried to tell himself. It was unhygienic. It was messy. The list of negatives came into focus at a rapid fire pace. But for once in his life, he forced every negative thought aside. He was a grown man, in the comfort of his own bed, and he was alone. If he wanted to pleasure himself, then by god…no one was going to stop him. Least of all his manic mind.

Sheldon laid back down, trying to get comfortable. An image of Amy warm and fragrant from the bath he'd given her once popped into his mind, pushing out everything else. Her naked skin was rosy and warm as he'd dried her off. He had tried to be as clinical as possible. Had she noticed how his hands were shaking as he drew the towel down her chest, skimming over her breasts in the process?

"Oh, my." He whispered, the memory sending a shiver down his spine. It was the first and only time he'd seen his girlfriend's breasts. He tried to deny how much seeing her body had affected him. But now, years later and on the cusp of setting his mind free, he didn't want to deny it. He wanted to savor it.

His girlfriend was perfect. She wasn't a stick figure with skin and bones. She was a healthy, vital woman that had curves and substance. She may not have been flawless, but that only added to her allure as far as he was concerned. He remembered how her soft skin felt as he drew the washcloth across it, momentarily using his bare hands to soap up her skin before using the cloth again. He remembered how her breathing was at first deep and steady, then shallow and wispy. He thought at the time she was ill. It only made sense her breathing would be erratic. Now, he knew she had been lying. Perhaps her breathing was such because he was arousing her.

What if he had known she was lying before the bath? What if he had shocked her then, and touched her? Moved his hand to her breast, and fondled her? Would she have allowed it? She was the one who started it, after all; insisting he bathe her knowing she wasn't weak and could do so herself. What was going through her mind at the time?

Sheldon knew without a doubt just what had been going through her mind. She wanted him to touch her. Anywhere and any way. She took what she could get from him then, since she knew it was her only chance. She had been suffering for years, needing contact from him, and he blithely forbid it.

It startled him to face the truth that if the situation presented itself again, there would be no stopping on his part. He would give in, and he would give them what they both craved.

His hand of its own volition reached down to gently stroke himself. At the first touch, Sheldon groaned so loudly that he had to roll his face into his pillow to stifle his cries. He closed his eyes, for the first time ever allowing his mind to take a break and allowing his body the release it needed.

He imagined it was Amy's hand stroking him. At first, with a gentle touch but then harder. Firmer. Faster. She would know exactly how to touch him. She was a Scientist. She had taken numerous courses on anatomy and physiology. She knew how the human body worked inside and out. It frightened and thrilled him to think just how much she knew about sex, even having never done it before.

She could teach him things. She could show him how to please her. And he would.

She already owned him heart and soul. If he surrendered his body to her as well, he would be a goner.

Oh…but to be owned by Amy Farrah Fowler. Her razor sharp wit and fierce intelligence were the most tempting things about her. But he could not and would not deny anymore that her beauty roused him like no other ever could. He had been in the dark all of his life. By choice, perhaps. But the lonely existence he adhered to had worn him down.

He was tired. Tired of trying to pretend he didn't want a physical relationship with his girlfriend. Tired of trying to be superior to everyone. Tired, of allowing his fears to rule his life. He didn't want to be an 80 year old man with a Nobel Prize and nobody in his life to share it with.

Sitting up, he yanked his pants and briefs down in one fell swoop, marveling at how unafraid he was in that moment to bring this to completion. Returning to his task with delicious vigor, he lay back down and actually watched his hands movements. He had knowledge of how this particular act was done; he was a man who had urges after all. But it had been years since he allowed himself this kind of release. And the need was never this strong. The sight of his manhood filling his hands was turning him on exponentially. Experiencing such an intimate touch felt hollow, though…something was missing. As good as it felt, something just wasn't right.

A jarring thought hit him in that moment: he could have the real thing anytime he wanted. He was pair bonded with a beautiful, intelligent woman. He knew Amy loved him, and she herself said she was always hoping they would move toward further intimacy.

She wanted him. He wanted her. It was so simple.

Wasn't it?

'I can help you with that.'

He closed his eyes, allowing the voice to seep into his brain.

'I'll bet you can,' He whispered back, just as huskily.

Soft, small hands engulfed him suddenly, running up and down his shaft before caressing the tip. One hand plunged down to this testicles, squeezing gently as the other hand tightly fisted him. Sheldon moaned, not caring how loud or desperate his voice sounded.

'Mmm…you like that, don't you? I always knew you would." Her deep voice whispered in his ear. Sheldon turned his face into the pillow.

'Oh…yes. Faster, Amy.' He groaned, thrilled at how real it seemed. Pumping himself harder, he was overwhelmed with the sensation. He wanted nothing more in that moment to have Amy there with him, touching him. Where this was coming from, he had no idea. Yet deep down, he must have known the truth. He loved her. He wanted her. And now that she was no longer his, or at least, for the time being…

He wanted her even more.

'I'm always hoping, Sheldon. Waiting for you. I need you." She whispered softly.

"I need you too," He whispered, the overwhelming sensations flooding his system too much to take. He pictured her face before him, smiling that beautiful smile he loved so much. The one reserved solely for him. The one he would put upon her face one day, after he'd made love to her so thoroughly that her toes curled.

Letting himself go, he surrendered to his desires. The sounds of his pleasure rang loudly in his ears, drowning out the previous silence.

Five minutes was all it took for Sheldon Cooper to surrender to his hindbrain. When it was over, he lay there panting – a sweaty, sticky mess. He should have been disgusted by what he did. He wasn't. He got up slowly, making his way to the bathroom and turning on the shower until it was a comfortable degree. He washed away all traces of his folly, his breathing returning to normal and his heartrate returning to a less dangerous pace.

Strangely enough, sleep found Sheldon very quickly after that.

He spent all morning the next day feeling a mixture of guilt and remorse over his actions in the middle of the night.

Why, he reasoned? He was within his rights to do…that. It was a healthy, normal function for healthy, normal human beings to engage in.

It wasn't so much the action that bothered him, but the fact he used Amy in his fantasy. If Amy only knew how many cold showers he had to take because of her, she would be shocked. Why couldn't he ever tell her of his longings and his fears? She would understand, he knew she would. All she wanted from him was honesty. Why did he keep pushing her away every time things between them intensified?

He knew why. He was afraid of her. Terrified, even. No one on Earth had the power to destroy Sheldon Cooper. Only her.

It was Saturday afternoon. He was alone in the apartment, Penny and Leonard having departed for Las Vegas the night before. They could be married by now, for all Sheldon knew. As much as he worried about his friends, he had more important things to worry about. Namely, not losing the woman he loved. His eyes drifted over to his desk drawer, where the ring he had bought for Amy lay hidden. A feeling of panic overwhelmed him suddenly. What if he never had the chance now to propose to her? What if he had missed his window of opportunity with Amy Farrah Fowler?

He had to do something to stop these feelings. Perhaps he should go take a walk in the park. Or maybe take a trip to the comic shop.

As quickly as that thought entered his mind, it swiftly left. It was his preoccupation with superheroes that got him into this mess. He went to the sink, angrily flicking on the tap to fill the tea kettle.

So he liked superheroes. He wasn't going to change. And damn her for making him feel bad about it!

He stubbornly slammed the lid of the kettle shut, while simultaneously yanking the spigot. Sheldon got no less than three feet away when he heard a creaking noise, and suddenly, water was spewing everywhere.

"Dear Lord!" He yelled, racing to the sink and trying desperately to stop the water from flowing. Had he broken the pipe when he yanked the spigot closed? He frantically went to the junk drawer besides the sink, searching fruitlessly for a wrench. No such luck for forthcoming, and he tried to calm down to find a solution.

Perhaps Penny would have one. She was the fix-it type, being raised in Nebraska. Grabbing her spare key out of the bowl, he flung open his door about to race the short distance to Penny's when something stopped him dead in his tracks.

Or rather, someone.

Amy.


	2. Chapter 2

**~The Realization Regeneration~**

 **A Vignette in two parts**

 **-Summary: Sheldon gets a wake-up call, in more ways than one. We all know this will not happen. But oh…how I wish it would. Takes place hours after the 'breakup'. I honestly feel a break would do them good. But the Shipper in me wants them back together pronto! Slightly OOC Shamy. But when the moment moves you, you go with the flow. Enjoy.**

 **-Disclaimer: I own nothing of The Big Bang Theory. This is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement intended.**

 **-Rated M for a reason.**

 **Part 2**

"Amy?"

Amy was standing at Penny's door, key poised to open it. She turned around at the soft calling of her name, unsurprised yet unprepared to see Sheldon. Her eyes grew large as she took him in. It registered in her mind that he was wet. Soaking wet, from head to toe. And fully dressed.

He was staring at her with a faraway look in his eyes; that boyish combination of curiosity and intensity that never failed to undo her. She cleared her suddenly acrid throat, no words entering her mind in which to offer him. Finally, she settled on the only one she could.

"Hi." She whispered, and Sheldon gaped at her, not believing his eyes.

She was dressed differently than he had ever seen her. Disheveled, which was odd for her. A knee length black cotton skirt, a white v neck t shirt, and a black hoodie. Her long hair was in a ponytail, yet her trademark barrette was secure in her hair. She had on white keds that looked adorable on her small feet. She looked tired. And pale. Yet she looked more beautiful now than he'd ever seen her.

Every instinct was telling him to go to her, yet her words resounding in his head from last night stopped him.

"What…what are you doing here?" He asked softly, finally recovering himself.

Amy licked her dry lips, trying and failing not to look at him. His eyes were shining brightly and drew her in like a beacon.

"Penny texted me this morning and asked me to come by and pick up some paperwork she needed to mail but forgot." She said meekly. She watched as disappointment flickered in Sheldon's eyes at her explanation, before he caught himself and nodded.

Amy's heart clenched. Was he upset that she wasn't there to see him specifically? Her thoughts were drawn back to Sheldon's appearance.

"What…why are you all wet?" She asked gently, her eyes hungrily taking him in. She hadn't expected to see him this morning, but she couldn't lie to herself and say she wasn't happy she did. However much it hurt her.

Amy's question seemed to break him out of his stupor.

"Oh! I have an emergency. My kitchen sink has sprung a leak, and it's flooding the apartment." He shouted frantically, momentarily forgetting his beguiling girlfriend's presence. He charged toward Penny's door without another word, pushing Amy aside gently and unlocking the door with his key before racing to the kitchen sink. She did indeed have a wrench underneath, to Sheldon's relief.

Sheldon raced back over to 4A with Amy on his heels. She stopped just inside the doorway, shocked at the amount of water that was spraying everywhere.

"Oh, my goodness. What happened?" She asked, trying to duck from the spray of water that was shooting into the air like a geyser.

Sheldon groaned as he passed under the spray, getting pelted with water again. Amy sprang into action, retrieving a bucket from the closet to catch the water shooting up in the air.

"I d-don't know. I just turned off the faucet. I think a gasket might have blown," Sheldon said fearfully, squatting down to open the cabinet underneath. There was a leak there, as well, and he begrudgingly got down on all fours to crawl underneath the sink.

As he was trying to tighten the valve to shut off the water supply, water was shooting at him from every direction. Frustrated, he whipped his t- shirts over his head with a grunt. The heavy fabric was getting in his way and weighing him down.

Amy watched entranced as the garments were flung across the kitchen, landing somewhere in the vicinity of Sheldon's desk. She stared at his bare chest, momentarily stunned. Not once in the entirety of their relationship, had he ever willingly disrobed in front of her. Only in her fantasies did Sheldon do things like this. But she quickly discovered that her fantasies didn't do her boyfriend's likeness justice.

He was amazingly beautiful. Taut, pale skin stretched over muscles that Amy could never have imagined resided on Sheldon Cooper. Thick, corded muscles lined his neck leading down to strong pecs and biceps that would have made any superhero proud. Her eyes traced his chest down to his abdomen, where a slight six pack was clearly visible. He was no bodybuilder. But he was toned and fit, considering he did not work out.

What the hell? Who _was_ this man, and what did he do with her lanky Sheldon? Where had he been hiding all of these years? A feeling of grief overwhelmed her in that moment. He was everything she wanted in a mate, yet he was so completely out of reach to her. It physically pained her to see his enticing body spread out on the floor, fueling her fantasies, when it was a distinct possibility they would never be intimate.

Amy gulped, her eyes riveted to Sheldon as he used all of his strength to tighten the valve. He turned again, bending over at the waist, and Amy was treated to a backside view. His back was equally exquisite, drawing her eyes down to his generous and shapely posterior. His wet pants were slung low on his hips, and she could make out the top of his buttocks as they peeked out over his belt.

Amy closed her eyes as she felt her body heat to a dangerous degree. She wanted nothing more than to touch him, but knew he was off limits. This break had been her idea. Besides…Sheldon would _never_ let her touch him. _Especially_ as he was so underdressed. But she couldn't deny the way her body thrummed with excitement and need at seeing him so bare.

Trying to rein in her libido, she moved past him to assist him with tightening. He had made some headway with closing off the valve, but the pipe underneath was still leaking.

"Here. Let me see if I can spot the problem with the pipe." She said quietly, sliding underneath Sheldon's kneeling body. She saw what the problem was immediately. The gasket had indeed eroded, and it slipped down the pipe. Sliding it back into place, she gently took the wrench from Sheldon's grip.

"I'll tighten it as best as I can without stripping it further. It should buy you some time to call the Super and have him send a plumber. It's a good thing you were able to shut off the water valve. Just don't use the sink until then," She suggested, moving her wrist in a brisk manner.

Sheldon nodded, his eyes drinking her in as she stretched out underneath him. Her eyes held a determined glint as she attended to her task, using quick and efficient strokes to secure the gasket. As they were in such close proximity, he couldn't help but notice how her breasts bounced a little as she used her upper body strength. The sight made Sheldon's breath stutter in his lungs. Her small hands gripped the wrench tightly, and he had a shocking flashback to how her hands looked bringing him to orgasm in his fantasy.

"Dear Lord," He said quietly, under his breath. He tried to look away from her, but it was virtually impossible. She bit her lip in concentration as she turned the gasket a few more times, oblivious to Sheldon's dilemma. The water had stopped shooting out from both levels, and Amy breathed a sigh of relief. She was panting heavily from the exertion of the situation, as well as finding herself nearly naked and underneath Sheldon.

Amy was soaked to the bone now as well, her threadbare t-shirt completely transparent. Sheldon gasped quietly at her virginal white lace bra that was outlined clearly through the fabric. He had never before given much thought to Amy's undergarments. Yet he knew she had a collection of bras and panties that would make a sailor blush, according to Penny's constant teasing and innuendo.

Sheldon bit his lip in frustration. Damn Penny too, for corrupting his girlfriend with such frivolity. Like the Amy Farrah Fowler he met in that coffee shop would have been preoccupied with frilly panties…

Just the thought of that made Sheldon break out in a sweat. He swallowed harshly as he imagined Amy sliding frilly panties over those shapely hips of her. Or better yet…sliding them _off_.

Where had the clinical, robotic Amy gone? For that matter, where had the clinical, robotic Sheldon gone?

Things had been so easy in the beginning. Before feelings and emotions and desires crept in and swept out the logical. Now he had been reduced to a mass of sensations, driven by his limbic system. It wasn't fair. He had lost control somewhere along the line. He wanted to blame her, but he knew he really couldn't. They had both changed. They had grown.

Content with the state of the gasket for now, Amy scooted forward slowly, trying with all of her might not to touch or bump into Sheldon as she removed herself from under the sink. She was curious as to why Sheldon was rooted to the spot, not moving back himself. He was hovering over her, still as a statue. She got as far as moving her head out from the dark cavern when she looked up and met Sheldon's gaze.

He was staring at her in a way he had never done before. His blue eyes had turned cobalt, looking into her own eyes intently. He opened his mouth to say something she presumed, but he thought better of it. His penetrating gaze never wavered though, and Amy felt something monumental shift.

"Sheldon?" She questioned, her voice barely a whisper. He continued to stare at her as though she would disappear any second.

Sheldon took a deep breath, closing his eyes tightly. It was now or never.

"I'm so sorry for what I said the other night." He said quietly, his voice laced with an emotion Amy couldn't place. Remorse, perhaps. Or possibly guilt.

Amy realized something during the night, as she pondered where her future with Sheldon Cooper was going. She was a prisoner of love, helpless to fight her feelings. She had fallen in love with a child in many respects, and she was fearful of where that left her. Out in the cold, afraid he had ruined her for any other man. She feared no man would move her the way Sheldon did. Even with five years in a sexless relationship, he had seduced her irrevocably. Looking into his deep, soulful eyes, she responded the only way she could.

"I'm sorry too, Sheldon. I didn't mean to hurt you." She murmured, tears filling her eyes. Suddenly, she caught herself. Steeling her resolve, she tried to duck her head away from the tractor beam of his eyes.

"I should go." She said, her voice wavering.

Sheldon stared at her sadly. What had he done to her, all of these years? He had been so afraid to admit he wanted her as a man wants a woman, that he made her believe her needs didn't matter. They did matter. _She_ mattered. She didn't even want to be in the same room with him now. It ripped his heart in two to think he had damaged her trust. He tried to envision a future without her in it. It would be impossibly bleak. He had spent the last eighteen hours in darkness. He wanted to find the light. _She_ was the light.

"No. Don't." He begged, and she watched as his body shook. He wouldn't move back, wouldn't give her room to escape him. Amy stared at him, dumbstruck.

Sheldon Cooper did _not_ beg. He did _not_ look at her with such an unguarded expression of hunger. And he most certainly did _not_ tremble.

The next thing Amy knew, she was pulled to Sheldon so hard that her breath left her in a whoosh. He wrapped his arms around her back tightly, dragging her out from under the sink and into a kneeling position.

Amy gasped at the sudden contact, especially the way Sheldon's chest was fused to hers. He had never handled her so roughly. She couldn't say she was frightened though; quite the opposite.

"Sheldon?" Amy asked breathlessly, searching his face.

Sheldon panted hard as he took her in. He had no idea what was happening to him. It was as though there was an invisible magnet pulling them together, and he was powerless to resist the force. His mind was racing with things he couldn't control. He had never been so frightened in his life, yet at the same time, excited beyond belief. All he knew, was that he could _not_ let her walk away from him.

"Don't go. Please." He repeated, his normal confidence nowhere to be found as she felt him trembling against her even harder.

"I…I have to. I can't be here now." Amy said, stunned at what she saw in his eyes. She felt her own body begin to shake, but whether from the cold water and cool apartment or her building arousal, she wasn't certain. Her entire being was crying out for something she was terrified to ask for. She had been rejected too many times.

"I want you. I want you…to stay." He said, his voice gentle yet fierce. Amy swallowed. Sheldon pulled her closer, kissing her chin before sliding his lips lower to kiss her neck. Amy shivered violently at the foreign yet not unwelcomed contact.

"W-what are you doing?" She whispered, her voice breaking. He clutched her back tighter, running his hands down until they cupped her waist. Amy shivered from head to toe. If this was a fight, then she was going to lose.

"What I should have done, years ago. What I've _wanted_ to do, for longer than I can admit." He whispered shakily, his eyes riveted to hers. He unconsciously ran his tongue along his lips.

Amy's eyes widened.

"What?" She whispered, too afraid to move. What was happening here? Amy tried to inject some reason into this suddenly dangerous situation. She had often fantasized what it would be like to have Sheldon Cooper's passion unleashed upon her. She had a feeling she was about to find out.

"Sheldon, I need-"

In an unprecedented move, Sheldon cupped Amy's face and put his forehead against hers. His breath was harsh as it escaped his lips.

"Please, don't say it again." He begged her, his voice low and strained.

"Say what again?" She murmured gently, tracing her palm across his cheek. Sheldon whimpered at the contact.

"Please." Sheldon said brokenly, not elaborating on her question. He knew what she was about to say; that she needed a break. Suddenly, he couldn't bear to hear those words again. Not from her. He placed his palm on Amy's clavicle, running it slowly down toward her sternum. There was a time he knew for certain that this type of advance would be welcomed with open arms. Had he lost that right forever? He hoped not, as a feeling of desperation bubbled up inside of his stomach.

"Sheldon," She murmured, her sweet voice sounding so pained. He hated that he had caused her pain. Hated how she looked so fearful and guarded towards him.

"Please, let me," He begged, not even entirely sure what he was begging for.

Amy's heart splintered at the utter desperation in Sheldon's voice. She never could have guessed this would have happened today.

She had been hesitant to come to Penny's. When she received her disjointed text saying she was stuck in Vegas and she needed Amy to mail something for her, Amy had balked at the idea. The last thing she wanted was to see Sheldon today, so soon after their painful discussion last night. She knew she had thrown Sheldon a curveball, and she had spent the entire night crying about it. The shocked, deer in headlights look he had given her made her feel awful.

What was she to do? She had spent the last 48 hours crying and upset about the turn of events. Thursday was their five year anniversary, and she had hoped they would finally be moving toward a greater intimacy. One thoughtless comment from Sheldon, ill timed, had shattered her hopes.

She knew something was different when he spied her at Penny's door. As frantic as he had been over the leak, there was an underlying tension in his body she hadn't recognized the moment she laid eyes on him. The way he looked at her, the way his skin flushed. He almost looked guilty about something, by the way he was blushing.

Had he been upset about their talk as well? Had he been thinking about her all night, as she was him? One thing was becoming clearer by the second – they were headed down a path they had never been before.

Part of her felt this was too soon. They needed time to sort out what had happened on Thursday. But the fact she had Sheldon Cooper in her arms, on the floor no less, begging her to let him touch her…

Amy felt the sharp spike of arousal burrow its way low in her belly.

"Amy…" He strained, snapping Amy out of her thoughts.

"What, Sheldon. What are you asking me?" She whispered. Sheldon decided to show her instead.

In an instant, Sheldon took her wet hoodie and t-shirt in his large hands and yanked them over her head quickly. Amy's heart beat against her ribs. She was wearing nothing else besides a white bra; hardly any shield against his penetrating gaze.

"O-Oh," She stammered, the shock of him doing such a thing rendering her paralyzed. She wasn't frightened of Sheldon; could never be. But she had never before had a man undress her, let alone with such fervor. The fact it was her serious minded, proper boyfriend who previously shunned any kind of physical contact had her reeling.

Sheldon bowed his head, his gaze searing her where she knelt.

"I'm sorry. I just… I've wanted to touch you for so long. I didn't mean to scare you," He said in a rush, his eyes wide and unfocused.

Amy nodded, barely able to move her head. She'd dreamt of this moment forever.

"Then…touch me." She murmured, giving Sheldon permission.

Sheldon inhaled quickly before letting out a huge gust of air, the action causing him to feel dizzy. He nodded clumsily, pulling her closer with trembling hands. His fingers had a mind of their own as they caressed her soft, damp skin…it pebbled with goosebumps as he ran his palms down her breasts, running his thumbs over her nipples agonizingly slowly, enthralled when the buds tightened against the lace fabric of her bra. He was speechless as he witnessed what his touch was doing to her. They were still on their knees, and he shifted closer. He bent one of his legs, pulling Amy even closer to him.

He didn't care that she could most likely feel his burgeoning erection pressing into her stomach. It was far past time Amy knew the extent of his desire for her.

When Amy gasped and closed her eyes, Sheldon figured she was giving him a green light. He caressed her tender flesh slowly, calculatingly…as any Scientist with a new discovery worth his salt would.

Her soft moans were like music to his ears. He had never touched Amy like this before. He had never touched _anyone_ like this before. He ran his fingers down her breasts to her stomach, delighting when the muscles there quivered at his gentle touch. Her waist was next, as he mapped her flesh and touched every part of her torso he could before sliding back up to cup her breasts.

"Touch me. Please." Sheldon whispered, his eyes meeting hers in desperation. Amy's mouth fell open on a soundless gasp as she watched Sheldon's eyes darken.

His touch coupled with his words had ignited a firestorm of need inside of her. She leaned into him, the hands on his biceps sliding down to first his chest, running her small hands across the small tufts of hair there, before settling low on his stomach. Much like her, the touch to his abdomen made him quiver. But she didn't stop there. Amy slid her palms down lower, following his treasure trail until it disappeared inside his pants. She didn't venture any lower than his belt line, but the sweet, novice touch was enough to make every nerve ending in his body go haywire.

"Oh, Amy." He growled, throwing his head back and allowing her to caress him so intimately along his waistline and below where his warm skin met his briefs. His mind was screaming at him to stop this. It wasn't right. It wasn't right. It wasn't right.

Sheldon breathed shallowly through his nose, trying to calm the voices in his head that were telling him such a blatant lie. This _was_ right. This was the rightest thing he had ever done.

Suddenly, he needed more. More skin. More of _her_. He looked up, meeting Amy's eyes. He was certain he looked drugged, but he didn't care. He took hold of one of her bra straps, lowering it down slowly. Her pink, pebbled nipple came into view, tantalizing him. Before he could contemplate his actions, he leaned over and took the bud into his mouth, sucking on it slowly before teasing it with his tongue. Amy gasped loudly, the wispy sigh turning into a deep, guttural moan as Sheldon feasted upon her flesh. Pulling her other cup down with his hand roughly, he cupped the mound and gave it equal treatment. He buried his head between her breasts, certain he was going to die from lust.

The centrifugal force of his gentle attack caused him to lose his balance. He cradled her in his arms and they fell to the wet floor, landing in the puddle that was all around them. Sheldon unhooked her bra, desperate to see all of her. Amy shrieked as her back hit the cold water, but she hardly cared as in the next instant, Sheldon was caressing her breasts again with a feather light touch.

"Oh…" She managed, unable to speak as she watched him watching her.

"Dear Lord…you're perfect," He murmured reverently, kissing a trail from her breast to her mouth. She tasted so sweet, like strawberries. She smelled like strawberries, too. He wanted to devour her whole.

He'd noticed, in passing, Amy had a delectable scent. But to feast upon it from its source…his mind was left in tatters as he sucked and kissed her skin with mounting abandon. And when their lips touched, the explosion that it caused set off a chain reaction. Amy groaned loudly as his tongue tentatively asked for permission to enter her mouth. She granted it without thought, her eyes rolling backwards at the sensations Sheldon was wringing out of her. They had never kissed like this before. He slid his tongue against hers sensuously, not worrying about germs or saliva or _anything_. He needed her so badly. He had to have her.

Where this need was coming from, he had no clue. All he knew was that Amy was his woman, and he was her man. He moaned so loudly when she ran her hands down his back that he was certain the neighbors would hear.

Amy's hair was swimming in the puddle, and he wrapped the thick mane around his hand and yanked her towards him gently, breaking their heated kiss. They rolled on the wet floor until he was on the bottom, shielding her from the puddle. Amy's heart melted that he would do something so cavalier. His eyes devoured her as she hovered over him.

Her firm, perky breasts looked amazing from this vantage point. Leaning up, he ran his tongue along her nipple repeatedly until Amy began to buck against him. When he once again took the nub inside his mouth, Amy twitched and moaned. He was a fast learner, as he nibbled, bit, and sucked her tender flesh until she was writhing and crying out.

It felt so good to touch her this way, finally. He looked up to see Amy's eyes tightly shut, her hand running through his hair gently. Boldly, he ran his hands down her back until he reached her hips. Her glorious, womanly hips that had bewitched him from the beginning. Grabbing them forcefully, he spread his legs apart widely and pulled her pelvis flush against his. Now she would know the extent of his passion for her. There was no hiding his arousal now.

Amy mewled wantonly, pushing against him and grinding her hips against his. Sheldon slid his hand along her hip, cupping her cheek and squeezing roughly.

"Oh, Jesus." She cried, fueling Sheldon's desire even more. But she might as well have slapped him with her next words.

"Sheldon…we can't. Not like this. I can't. Please, stop." Amy groaned fearfully, opening her eyes as she tried to squirm her body out of his grasp.

Sheldon raised his head, his wild eyes meeting hers.

 _Stop? But…why? Wasn't she enjoying this as much as he was? Didn't she want this?_

For endless moments they gazed at each other, the only sound in the room their panting. Amy watched, spellbound, as Sheldon's dark eyes returned to their normal hue of blue. His flushed face and wet, swollen lips were the only indicators of his excitement. Beads of water dripped down her hair and onto his face and neck. Amy stayed glued to his chest, out of shock or modesty, he didn't know.

Sheldon lowered his head to the wet wood, throwing an arm over his eyes in defeat. He tried to catch his breath, and calm his raging emotions. Why couldn't they ever catch a break?

"I thought…I thought you wanted this." He whispered, sadness and disbelief in his voice.

Amy shuddered against him.

"I did. I do. I just…we can't. Not this way." She said shakily.

Dear God…had he made a grave mistake? Had he… _forced_ her, in any way?

One moment, he and Amy were trying desperately to stop a leak in his kitchen. The next, they were half naked on the floor and grinding against each other like animals. It was either famine or feast with them.

Now that the euphoria of sexual arousal had passed, the reality of what just happened set in. Tears gathered in Amy's eyes as she worried what this would mean. Had she succeeded in scaring Sheldon away for good? Had she led him on, teasing him and accepting his advances she do desperately wanted, yet shunning him before they reached the point of no return?

Sheldon lifted his face and watched helplessly as her beautiful face crumpled, her lower lip trembling.

"Oh, no. No, no, no." Sheldon whispered frantically, and it only added to the pain shooting through her.

Of course…he regretted this. Trying to move and get out of there with the last shred of her dignity, she made to push off of him. Devastation turned to shock as Sheldon refused to let her go.

"Let me go," She said quietly, her voice shaking. Sheldon shook his head rapidly.

"No." Was his only reply, as he held onto her tighter. Confused, Amy squirmed in his grasp.

"Let me go, Sheldon. Right now." She begged angrily.

Sheldon shook his head again.

"Do you honestly think I'm going to let you walk out that door after what just happened?" He asked incredulously. Amy narrowed her eyes, fighting the urge to cry or to slug him.

"You regret it." She said, a hollow edge to her voice that sent shivers down his back. It was Sheldon's turn to be confused.

"What? Why would you think that?" He questioned.

The tears that had gathered in her eyes spilled over.

"You just said, and I quote, 'Oh, no. No, no, no." She whispered forlornly.

Sheldon took a deep breath, trying to clear his mind.

"Amy, I said that because I saw you were about to cry. And I didn't know what to do. I was afraid that _you_ regretted it," He admitted fearfully, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Amy studied his face, soft and open and so full of honesty at the moment.

 _Regret_ it? God, no. It was all she had ever wanted; to share such intimacy with Sheldon.

"I don't regret it. I didn't stop you because I regret it. I stopped you because…I knew you would resent _me_ later for not stopping it." She said, her voice catching.

Sheldon sat up, but he didn't release his hold on her.

"Amy…no. I wouldn't do that. It was my choice to do it. I initiated it. I couldn't resist. I just… I needed you. I've thought about you all night. And suddenly, you were here. I'm so sorry. You obviously didn't want me to behave that way. Not after what you said last night," He whispered sadly.

Sheldon rose, turning around quickly so Amy couldn't see his excitement that was still clearly visible. His embarrassment meant nothing in the face of his sadness, though. She didn't correct him about what she said last night, and the pain of knowing she honestly didn't want him touching her sent another stab of pain through his heart.

"Please, Amy…don't leave. Not yet," He implored, his voice cracking. "We need to talk. More than ever."

Amy nodded numbly, looking around at the flooded apartment. There was water everywhere, at least two inches deep. She was still sitting in a puddle of water, and she began to feel chilled. She rose unsteadily, holding her arms across her bare chest. Sheldon walked over to the couch and grabbed the quilt there, silently handing it to her. Amy took it gratefully.

"Thank you," She whispered sweetly, and Sheldon could only nod, unable to face her.

Moments passed where they said nothing, the enormity of what just happened sinking in.

Amy went and sat on one of the island stools, the only surface that wouldn't be ruined by her wet skirt. She watched in silence as Sheldon walked to the closet, retrieving another bucket and the mop. He made no move to put any clothing on, his bare body still taunting her. His arousal had abated a bit, but the bulge in his pants was a stark reminder of what had just transpired. She stared at him in awe, not really knowing who this man was at the moment.

Wrapping the quilt around her tightly, she closed her eyes.

Had that _really_ just happened? If she hadn't stopped him, would they have had sex? On the kitchen floor? Surrounded by water, and with no protection? Sheldon had seemed so desperate for her. She never could have imagined…

And what about her? She had requested a break from him because she needed to sort out her feelings. It seemed she was fooling herself. Not only was she more in love with Sheldon than ever, but her body knew what it wanted. _Still_ wanted, as it hummed with arousal so intense it left her feeling uncomfortable. She excused herself to the bathroom, needing a moment to compose herself.

As expected, she looked like a wanton mess. Her face was flushed, her pupils dilated, and her hair soaking wet. Amy removed the quilt from around her shoulders, staring at her body in the mirror hesitantly. Her nipples were still hard from Sheldon's ministrations. Little red marks were visible on her swollen flesh, a telltale reminder of his passion. She ran her fingers across her skin, remembering his touch vividly. He had his hands on her breasts. His mouth! His lips, teeth, tongue…

He had never, ever attempted to find second base. She could say with delight that Sheldon not only found it, he claimed it.

"Dear God. What just _happened_?" She whispered in wonderment. She was so turned on right now, she had the sinful urge to touch herself to completion to ease the ache inside of her. But that would be terribly disrespectful. But heavens…the way he felt.

She gingerly tied the quilt around her, sitting down on the toilet and tried to get her bearings. After five minutes of hiding out, she knew it was time to go out there and help Sheldon clean up. His eyes met hers as she stepped off the landing, fearing and expecting her to be dressed and ready to leave. He was shocked when she took the towels she was holding and began soaking up water, wringing them out in the bucket. She offered him a tentative smile that broke his heart.

They spent the next two hours mopping and cleaning Sheldon's apartment. Neither one said a word as they worked, occasionally stealing glances at each other.

Sheldon had changed into dry, clean clothes, even offering Amy a pair of his sweat pants and a t shirt. He took their wet garments down to the laundry for cleaning. While gone, he had phoned the building Super, who was going to send a plumber out by the end of the day.

When the last drop of water was accounted for and the wet towels hung up to dry, he turned to Amy to see she was already standing at the kitchen sink. She was watching him with a weary expression on her face. She looked so beautiful standing there, yet so out of reach. She might have well been a mirage.

What would happen now between them? Nowhere in his relationship agreement was there a clause as to what to do in this situation. Sheldon's face flushed again as he looked at the spot on the floor where he had practically ravished her. He felt ashamed at treating her so roughly, even though Amy didn't seem to mind. The memory of her body moving against him, the feel of her nipples against his hands, in his mouth…

He had wanted this, for so long. He had dreamt of Amy touching him, and him touching her. He had fantasized about what it would be like to reach second base. Oh, he'd reached second base alright. And it was every bit as wonderful as he'd secretly thought it would be. What made it all the more so, was that it was Amy.

Male pride washed over him, his eyes shyly meeting hers.

"Thank you for staying and helping me, Amy. I don't know what I would have done without your help." He said softly, looking everywhere but her.

Amy smiled, averting her eyes as well.

"I didn't do much, Sheldon. It was your quick thinking of turning off the valve that saved you from an all- out flood." She responded, picking imaginary lint from the t-shirt she wore.

Sheldon looked at her then, really looked at her. Her long hair was drying in soft waves, so feminine and pretty. It was a staggering difference from her normally straight hair which now, having seen her thusly, made her look older than she was. Right this moment, she looked young and beautiful. He wanted to simply drink in her presence and enjoy it.

"No, you're wrong. You saved me. Again. You're _always_ saving me," He whispered tenderly. Amy's eyes shot to his, not used to hearing such sincerity in his voice.

"I…like saving you." She said quietly, swallowing at her admission. Sheldon's eyes glittered at her statement.

"You do?" He questioned, his voice soft. Amy nodded without speaking.

Sheldon nodded, biting his lip. He felt like he were walking on eggshells around her now. Their once easy comradery was strained now with unresolved issues and a newly found sexual tension Sheldon was ashamed to admit he liked.

"Amy, may I make you a cup of tea?" He asked gently. She smiled softly, nodding her head. The warmth of the tea would definitely help.

"Yes, thank you. That would be nice." She replied, rooted to the spot. She watched as Sheldon went to the tea chest and opened it slowly.

"What flavor?" He asked, his gaze making her shiver again. Amy licked her dry lips.

"Chamomile."

Sheldon winced at her choice. Chamomile meant she was upset.

"Very well." He said softly, turning and busying himself with the tea.

Amy seemed to remember something important, and stepped up to Sheldon quickly.

"The faucet! Don't turn it on," She said in a panic, putting her hand on Sheldon's bicep. Sheldon merely smiled.

"I wasn't going to. The kettle is full from before when the pipe sprung the leak. I was about to make tea then," He admitted, his statement letting her know that he was upset and had needed a hot beverage.

Amy cleared her throat, noticing how tightly she was holding Sheldon's arm. His muscle was so big, and she wondered at how she never noticed that before.

Sheldon noticed it now, though, as Amy flexed her fingers along his now clothed arm. They both turned to look at her hand, Sheldon's eyes meeting hers with intensity.

"S-sorry." She stuttered, moving back and walking to the sofa to have a seat. Sheldon followed her with a tray full of tea and cookies.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, until Sheldon cleared his throat and turned to Amy hesitantly.

"Amy…I think we need to discuss what happened."

Amy agreed, shaking her head.

"First… I'd like to say something. I understand why you feel the way you do. About wanting a break from me," He rushed out, the words like sawdust on his tongue. "But please know this: I am sorry for my words the other evening. I have a feeling it's more than that, and that my thoughtless words were just the icing on the proverbial cake. But…it must have hurt you, thinking that on our anniversary I was wondering about a television show. I didn't mean it. I didn't….I couldn't…" He stumbled, setting down his tea mug in agitation.

Amy watched his fractured movements, unsure of what to do.

"May I ask you something?" She ventured, apparently just as afraid to know the answer as Sheldon was to revealing it.

"Yes." He said calmly, watching her intently.

"Why did you say what you said? About The Flash, I mean. Was it…is a TV show _really_ that important to you?"

Sheldon took a deep breath. His eyes met his girlfriend's, and he knew without a doubt that it was do or die time.

"No. It's…not that. I was…aroused. I was beginning to feel things that up until then, I could control. But the reality of our situation hit me. We have been together five years. I love you. I want you, in every way. And you were so sweet and tender that night. You were kissing me, and caressing me, and…whispering such loving things to me. I was losing all control of my faculties. The evening was drawing to its end, and it hit me suddenly that I wasn't ready for you to leave. Not unlike our sleepover, I wanted you to stay. But…I wanted you to stay… in my room. With me. I wasn't sure I could…do much. But I wanted us to take that step. _Any_ step," He admitted, earning a gasp from Amy. He looked over to see her sitting like a statue with her hands across her mouth.

"Sheldon…" Amy said in disbelief, feeling herself grow lightheaded. "Really?"

Sheldon nodded slowly.

"Yes. I was becoming unglued and I panicked. I wanted to move our relationship along, but I was terrified. More so for the fact that I wanted to in the first place. I had a vision of carrying you to my room, throwing you on my bed, and just…well. And then I imagined you dragging me down the hall to my door, pushing me inside and having your way with me. Each scenario I imagined was more erotic than the last. The only way for me to calm down, was to employ the tactics of distraction. I didn't think…I didn't know you would get so upset. Or feel like I was disregarding your feelings. I wasn't. I swear. I just needed to take a moment and compose myself. But you were so hurt. You stormed out, and you refused my calls all the next day. I'm so sorry, Amy. I never meant to hurt you." He said sincerely.

Amy stared at him in a stupor. Sheldon normally kept his desires and thoughts bottled up inside of him. She could never have imagined he felt this way. For as much as a perfect couple they were in most instances, communication seemed to be lacking immensely.

Amy took his hands, squeezing tenderly.

"You did hurt me," Amy admitted bravely, biting her lip and gazing at him head on. "But…now that you were honest and explained, I can understand why you said it. And I _do_ understand, Sheldon. I promised you on Prom night, that I wouldn't push you. I guess maybe…I push you sometimes without even knowing. But Sheldon…it doesn't change the fact that we might always wind up back there, at square one. You are clearly not ready for more. I don't know if you'll ever be," She said sadly.

Sheldon narrowed his eyes, not quite understanding her.

"Not ready for more? Are you speaking in terms of sexually? Because if what we just shared is any indication-"

Amy shook her head rapidly from side to side.

"No, Sheldon. I'm speaking emotionally. Sex is the easy part," She whispered brokenly.

Sheldon reared back as if she'd struck him across the face. He jumped up from the sofa, pacing the small room liked a caged lion.

"Easy? You…you think that _this_ was easy? Amy…I have struggled with myself for years to be able to achieve the level of intimacy with you that I've wanted. _Nothing_ about my feelings is easy," He spat out, saying the word like it were poison. "You are the only woman I have ever wanted to touch that way. I thought…maybe something was wrong with me. Why is it so hard for me to just…surrender to what I want?" He yelled, his voice frantic and hopeless.

Amy cringed at the pain in his voice.

"I know, Sheldon. I didn't mean-"

But it was his turn to cut her off now.

"Why did you break up with me on Skype? Do you _know_ how painful that was for me? And to have gone all night not knowing your intentions? I feel like I'm in hell, Amy. Why did you do that?" He asked her, but the ire was dwindling and leaving pain in its wake.

"I…I _didn't_ break up with you, Sheldon. I said I needed a break. But we are still a couple. I just…needed some space." She said gently.

"Space," He echoed, nodding his head. "I know I'm not a walk in the park. But I never thought…I never assumed that you needed a…break…from me."

The desolation in his voice made Amy's heart splinter even more. She rose as well, walking to him slowly and placing a hand on his shoulder tentatively.

"Sheldon…I love you. So much, you have no idea. I was just so hurt by what you said. In a tender moment, you asked me about a damn TV show. You said that starting a new TV show was a big commitment. Do you know how that made me feel?" She asked, pleading him with her eyes to understand how hurtful his comment was, and what prompted her decision.

He turned around in an instant, the look in his eyes blazing.

"I wasn't talking about the damn TV show when I said it was a huge commitment, Amy. I was talking about _us_!" He thundered, realizing his faux pas too late. Amy gasped at his confession, her eyes never leaving his. He came back and sat in his spot, leaning forward to put his head in his hands. He was embarrassed and overwhelmed, and fearful that he had just made his intentions known.

Amy came back, gingerly sitting beside him on the sofa. He looked up from his hands, his face a mask of pain.

"I was talking about us. I was hinting to a future together, for us. A future, with more than just a once weekly make out session on a couch. I want you. In every way. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. But I'm so damn scared, Amy. I've never been here before. I feel all of these…things. I don't know how to compartmentalize them. They are overwhelming me," He admitted, his voice high and clogged with impending tears.

"What? What do you feel?" She whispered tenderly. "Tell me. Please. I need to know. I can't help you if you won't let me in." She murmured, tears clogging her throat as well.

Sheldon took a deep breath, releasing it with a loud sigh.

"I don't know why I keep fighting my desires. It's clear that I want you. And the fact I'm in love with you…I shouldn't have anything to be afraid of. I _want_ this. And yet…" He trailed off, his lips quivering.

Amy's tears spilled down her cheeks.

"And yet, you _are_ afraid. I understand, Sheldon. I've never been here before, either. We're both beginners, here. But I need you to know that I will never love anyone the way I love you. I want us to transverse this minefield together. I just have to know we are on the same page. I need to know what you are so afraid of," She whispered, turning his tear stained face to hers.

"I'm afraid… of losing _myself_!" Sheldon choked out, the words tumbling out before he could stop them.

Amy nodded woodenly, finally comprehending.

"And…you blame me for, what? Stealing something from you that you can't get back?" Amy asked, her voice sad and strained.

Sheldon took Amy's hand in his.

"No, Amy. No. I don't blame you. It's not your fault that you fell in love with an emotional cripple," Sheldon rasped helplessly. Amy's mouth opened in shock at his words.

"Sheldon…you are _not_ an emotional cripple." She said soothingly, but Sheldon shook his head.

"I am, Amy. I've been keeping a secret from you for months. Ever since prom, when I panicked about what would happen afterwards."

Amy swallowed, not sure she was going to like what he had to say.

"What secret?" She whispered, her compassion for him winning out over her fear. She put her hand gently on his cheek.

"I've been ready to take our relationship further for a while. Physically ready, at least. But each time I try, or at least think it's the right time, I falter. I just…I don't know what's wrong with me." Sheldon lamented.

Amy's heart broke for the man she loved. He was clearly fighting some demon he had no power to win. Not without help. And not without knowing she loved him, no matter what.

"Sheldon…there is nothing wrong with you. _Nothing_. Even if you weren't attracted to me that way, it would be alright. Because…I could never force you to have feelings for me that you don't." She whispered, the truth of her words not soothing the pain they caused her. "Even if you never wanted to make love, I would…I would stand by you. Because I know you love me. Maybe you just…can't. And that's okay. That doesn't make you defective if you don't have those feelings." She said passionately.

Sheldon shook his head in the negative, a loud sob bursting from his chest.

"That's just it, Amy. I _do_ have those feelings. And they are stronger than ever before. Last night, I woke up gasping and shaking from an erotic dream about you." He admitted, lowering his eyes out of shame.

Amy backed up, tilting her face to stare at Sheldon incredulously.

"You…you did?" She stuttered, her heart soaring at this new information.

Sheldon nodded, hesitantly returning his gaze to her.

"What did you do?" She asked tenderly, suddenly unprepared for his answer.

Now that she knew, he wanted her to know everything.

"I pleasured myself to orgasm. Fantasizing that you were touching me." He whispered, his eyes focusing on hers intently. Amy lost her breath.

"You…really?" She whispered, stunned not only that he would do that, but admit it to her.

"Yes. And it felt…fantastic." He said, hanging his head low, as though it were something to be ashamed of. "I never did that before. At least…not since puberty. I can't believe how much I needed it," He admitted.

Amy wanted to hug him so badly. She knew his struggles, and knew this must be so hard for him. But she was thrilled he was opening up to her like this.

"Sheldon…there is nothing wrong with self-gratification. I too have employed it on several occasions, she admitted shyly.

"You have?" He asked her, eyes wide and swinging to hers in shock. The thought of his prim Amy…touching herself.

 _Dear Lord._

"Yes."

Sheldon moved closer to her, the warmth of her body so welcoming.

"What do _you_ think about? When you…engage in it?" He asked, and Amy noticed his voice dropped an octave lower.

Amy turned to face him, breaking out in a cold sweat at the look he was pinning her with.

"Sheldon," She ventured, not sure she wanted to admit such a personal thing.

' _But he admitted he thought of you_ ,' her mind screamed at her. Maybe it was time Amy stated her desires outright. She had every right to express herself, without recrimination. Perhaps…honesty was just what these two needed today.

Amy gazed at Sheldon boldly in the eyes.

"You. Always you, Sheldon. I think of you." She said with conviction.

Sheldon felt the air suddenly sucked out of the apartment.

"Me." He echoed, his eyes boring into hers. A realization hit him then, like a breakthrough. "What am I doing to you?" He whispered, his gaze sliding over her body. "What pleases you most?"

Amy followed his eyes with her own, noting how his breathing was increasing. She still wore no bra, as it was in the wash with their other clothing. Her breasts began to ache again, her sensitized nipples scraping against the soft cotton of Sheldon's borrowed shirt. He tilted his body towards hers, one knee raised on the sofa. Amy licked her lips.

"Um…It's more of what we're doing to each other. Sometimes, we engage in oral sex. Other times, we use our hands. But the times when we actually engage in coitus…when we join…those are the times I…" She faltered, wiping away stray hairs from her eyes.

Sheldon followed her movements, desperate to know the rest.

"You, what?" He whispered, taking over from her and moving more hair behind her ear. Amy shivered.

"It's in those moments, when you're making love to me in my dreams, that I climax the hardest."

Suddenly, in that moment, The Flash was nowhere to be found in Sheldon's mind. He was catapulted back years ago, as he and Amy sat on his bed and tentatively played D&D. Talking dirty to each other, bringing each other to completion via role playing. He had been so blind all of these years. The one person he loved, trusted, and desired was there all along, ready and willing to give him what they both wanted. She had always been so patient with him, so tender. Any other woman would have given up on him years ago. But not his Amy. Not her.

He saw her now, not just as a Scientist. Or a companion. Or an equal of intellect. He saw her as a woman. _His_ woman. So soft and longing. And _he_ had longed for _her_. For what seemed like forever.

He ran his fingers along Amy's cheek as gentle as a butterfly.

"I make you…climax?" He choked out, sliding as close to her as he could get. Amy shivered.

"Yes." She whispered. "And you've never even touched me. Isn't that ironic?" She asked, her voice holding a hint of humor.

Sheldon didn't find it humorous, though.

"Amy…" He grunted, pulling her onto his lap and kissing her senseless. Years of pent up frustration and wanting had reached its zenith.

"May I touch you now?" He asked her, his voice tender and respectful. He had made so many mistakes with her over the years, but it was time to treat her the way she deserved. Like a queen. Like a goddess. Like the mother of his future children.

"Yes." Amy relented with a smile, her voice nearly non-existent.

He kissed her with gentleness, yet more passion than either had ever imagined. He touched her with reverence, yet frantic movements that had her shaking. And when he sat up, forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist, he didn't break the connection to their lips as he walked her the short distance to his bedroom. Amy stared in his eyes, before dropping her head on his shoulder gently.

"I thought girls weren't allowed in your room," Amy said cheekily. Sheldon narrowed his eyes at her playfully.

"Girls aren't. Only one woman _is_. Mine." He said, the possessiveness in his voice thrilling her.

Amy giggled.

"Yours, huh? You know, that sounds rather caveman-ish." She teased.

Sheldon gazed at her, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Mine." He repeated, leaving no room for argument.

And so it was, on that very day, Sheldon Cooper let Amy Farrah Fowler in. To his room. To his secret thoughts. And most importantly…to his heart.

Gollum sat at his perch on Sheldon's desk, smirking. He would see the Precious soon enough, he was sure.

The End….

A/N - Thank you for reading.


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